When the days are cold and the cards all fold

September 03, 2014

Hello and happy Wednesday everyone (: It's finally mid-week!

Hope everyone's September is going well so far!

For me, the first of September was a terrible day, but I made it. I was down with diarrhea and nausea but I still had to make myself head down to work. Amidst my haste in trying to catch the train, I tripped and almost fell on the escalator. Thank goodness I did not, BUT I did however, stab my big toe on the sharp metal teeth of the escalator steps. With my mind filled with only the thought of making it in time to catch the train, I simply continued on. On the train, I felt a sticky wetness on my slippers and to my surprise, I saw a pool of dark red blood. Slightly surprised, I pressed down on my toes at the area where the blood was pooling and that was when I felt the pain shoot through my system and I winced. I limped all the way to my workplace before I could finally sit down to examine the wound. A small piece of flesh had flipped up and it hurt because that flesh was pressing against the exposed wound. I was fortunate that I decided to keep the wound disinfectant and my self-assemble first aid kit with me in my bag (I sliced my thumb on accident less than a week ago) and I was able to clean and bandage it up so it wasn't too bad, apart from wincing in pain each time I stepped with that toe.

A while ago, I posted this on Instagram:
Initially, I thought I had a plan. I thought I had a clue about what I wanted in life but, do I? The truth is that I don't. I realised that I can't see where I'm heading. I lack a clear goal and till now,I can't figure out my purpose in life. I am wandering through a forest, uncertain and unsure. Simply following a path that I see before me, not knowing where it leads but just hoping it takes me someplace wonderful. But, is this enough? Must I have a clear goal? Or am I set for a life not truly lived?

Please bear with me because I know, this is unlike me at all. Everyday when I am at work, I realise that this is not what I want to do in life, this is not my passion and this is not what I want to spend my time on. I felt so upset. 
I don't mean to say that all is bad and I hate my job. No, I do not hate it. It just came to the point where I realised that Hey, I don't want this to be what I will be doing for the rest of my life. I know things are looking up at work when one of the keepers from the other area looked at me and smiled for the first time and said to my in-charge," This one always so cheerful. Always smiling" It is a lovely feeling because I never thought that anyone noticed and coming from one who rarely smiles or talks, it was such a lovely surprise. We even joked around and I'm glad to have another person to talk to cause I was feeling so alone there.

In times like these when I feel hopeless and down in the dumps, this one person never fails to be here for me. Although she's not beside me physically, she's always there to provide me with the support, listening to my problems and whenever I speak to her about my difficulties, the answer magically reveals itself to me and I feel clearer and more certain. In case you think she gives me answers, no she doesn't. In fact, she does something even better. She questions and makes me think on my own, bringing out my inner thoughts such that it becomes clearer to me. She is my angel, my kakak, my Nora.
I am truly blessed to have you in my life (:
When I miss her, I always listen to the mixtape that she made for me on my previous birthday and it reminds me that I am loved.

 Many others such as a junior and an MG mate, also came forward to offer advice and encouragement and it truly makes me feel very blessed and cared for.

Below is a reply from my MG mate which helped me make peace with my inner self and I hope you find meaning in it too.

Someday we'll figure it out. So smile at the confusion, laugh at the sadness. Live, and let go coz


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